The next step.

June 29, 2007 at 6:10 am (grand gesture, hope, inspired by, Love, love addiction dependence, love letters, love relationships dating, personal, reconnecting, romance)

It has been a couple months now since I broke up with my ex. Just over a month since I started this blog and set my Grand Gesture in motion. Part of me wishes I had carried out the full plan. But, it’s better that I didn’t. Knowing the way she feels and she’s moving on, it wouldn’t be right for her to receive the cards I was going to send via balloon mail over what could’ve been months.

I still think about her daily. I really wish I didn’t, I wish there was some way to quiet my mind. The worst part is when I sleep. I wake up several times throughout the night, which is not unusual. Its just now, when I wake up my first thoughts are typically about her. I stopped having as many dreams about her, with the exception of one a couple nights ago. Deep down in my subconscious I am still having trouble letting go of her. When I think about her during conscious thought, I try to remember why we broke up. The daily struggle that we went through, and the weekly fights. I try to think of ways that she wronged me, something to try and build a little healthy animosity just for the sake of getting past this. I can never really come up with anything solid.

I still focus on moving on. She is out living her life, I should build one for myself. It’s really hard because all I do is work, and don’t have any friends here. I have one place that I go, just to get out of the house. It is a poor place to go if I want to meet other single people. I just go because its better then sitting at home. I’m actually meeting someone there for a drink tomorrow. Someone that I’ve been “e-friends” with for sometime, but corresponded with very little. I’m not expecting a whole lot with this “meeting” as I’ll call it. I presume that as eager as she was to meet, she may have some hopes of romance. I don’t know for sure.

I am not going to allow myself to rush into anything at this point. It will be nice to meet someone new. Who knows, if she has a good personality and seems like a fun person, we may hang out more in the future. She’s offered to take me out to some “dive bars” if I’m lucky. I just don’t want to use anyone as a stop-gap method of over coming my heartbreak. Though, she could be a nice distraction. Anything to get my mind off of things for a while.


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