July 4, 2007 at 1:14 pm (grand gesture, hope, inspired by, Love, love letters, love relationships dating, personal, Poetry, reconnecting, romance)

I recently sent her an email asking how things were going, saying that I was just concerned. She said she understood my concern and that everything was fine with her daughter and she’d let me know if anything went wrong. So I sent her an email back saying I would hope for more then just updates if something went wrong and I hope that we could get to a point where we could be friends.

In all honesty, I’m not actually looking to be “friends” with her right now . Not in the sense that we meet and share all facets of life with each other or even speak regularly. I just hope to be more then a third class person whose only concern between us is with the health of her daughter. Although, that is most important and her happiness should no longer be a concern of mine. I can’t help but care and show my concern for someone I spent so many days sharing my life with, talking to daily. Just because things went wrong and our relationship is over, I cannot pretend that it didn’t happen and wasn’t good while it lasted.

It lasted around 13 months, estimated around 400 days. On any given day in our relationship no matter what trials we faced or fights that we had, there was a least one moment that everything in life was absolutely perfect. Whether the moment was a look that we exchanged, seeing her smile, the slightest touch or a long embrace, or making love, nothing would have made life more perfect at that moment. Many days had more then one moment, some days the moments lasted all day, even the worst day had one or more. Some of those moments no matter how insignificant at the time, etched memories that will last a lifetime. It’s unfortunate that we will never have moments like that together ever again. We will have them again, with other people or just by ourself. I for one cannot allow a rocky break up, any amount of vehement pain, anger or harsh words negate all those perfect moments. I will hold onto them, as I search for more moments like them.

I want her to be as happy as possible, if that happiness comes at the price of never speaking to her again, or just waiting until she can handle speaking to me. Then so be it. I’m not going to press the issue or expect her to respond to me, just because I write her. I would really just like to keep some form of open communication, more then just hearing if something goes wrong. With the exception of being bored and having no one to talk to, I’m perfectly happy with my life right now. Things could be better, but they have been a lot worse in the last month or two and several other times in my life. I’m getting along just fine and finding happiness daily, I would just like to know that she is doing the same. If it is too hard for her to keep an open form of communication, or just telling me how she is feeling, then I will stop. I’ll let her decide when it is right for us to speak again, I just can’t put the ‘concern’ I feel aside.


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